KNOWING • Part 3: Developing Your Character
Understanding who we are is not a single question with a simple answer. Identity is layered and complex, a living story shaped by both what we inherit and what we choose.
Psychology has long explored the dynamic tension between nature and nurture. On one hand, we come into the world with innate traits, like temperament, energy, and emotional sensitivity. On the other, our upbringing, environment, and the relational world we are born into have immense influence. Anyone who has watched a child grow can see it clearly. We are both wired and formed, shaped by biology and by story.
After years of helping people understand themselves, and raising children of my own, one truth becomes evident. Identity is not fixed. It begins with what we are given, but it never ends there. We are born into a context, but we are not confined to it. We carry history, but we are not defined by it.
There is extraordinary freedom in that realization.
Yes, we are shaped early. But even so, we are not bound to remain the person our earliest experiences expected us to be. Our identity, while rooted in our past, is always open to revision. The experiences of childhood may have laid the foundation, but we hold the pen now. And with intention, we can rewrite what comes next.
This is the heart of personal growth. It is the bold and beautiful work of deconstruction and reconstruction. It is looking honestly at what we were taught, what we have carried, what has been helpful, and what has been harmful, and choosing, with compassion, what to keep and what to let go. It is not a rejection of the past, but a conversation with it.
Growth is not about becoming someone new, but someone true.
When we reframe the past as something that happened to us rather than something that defines us, we reclaim our agency. We are not the sum of our mistakes, traumas, or losses. Nor are we defined by the expectations of who we were supposed to become. Identity is not a fixed portrait. It is an unfolding canvas. And each present moment is an invitation to shape it with clarity and care.
Likewise, we do not need to rush toward the future with anxiety. Our worth is not waiting at some distant milestone. It exists here, now, in who we are becoming, not in what we have achieved. The self we are shaping is not an endpoint to reach, but a compass to follow. A daily orientation toward values that matter and a life that aligns.
This is the work. To live today with intention. To show up in this moment with presence. And to trust that everything we need to become who we are meant to be is already within us.
Growth is not a burden, but a gift. It is how we honor the past without being owned by it. It is how we shape a future grounded in hope. And it is how we come home to ourselves, again and again, one mindful step at a time.